Horizon

This past year I was blessed with the most wonderful monetary gift I could have ever been blessed with. It makes me at peace. It calms me down. It gives me a little sense of freedom from the busy life of a type-A personality college student. Any guesses?? Anyone?? Well, my wonderful Toyota Rav-4 has been quite the luxury for my sophomore year of school at High Point University. Whenever I desire to see the world, and get off of campus for a little while, I am so blessed to be able to just hop in my car and…drive. And, you see I drive a lot. I already have 5,000 miles on my car in a short 3 months. And, I have class over half of the day each day. I have a solution for why this is the case-I am quite an introvert. You see, many do not realize that I am about as introverted as they come: sometimes people just wear me out. And all I desire is some alone time with my God. Whenever we are still, and away from all of the distractions the world presents us, we can begin to hear the voice of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. As I talked about in the last blog, this voice is not audible (for me anyway) but it most certainly becomes louder and has lasting impact when we have enough quiet time to digest the calling from the Lord. There is one common denominator when I drive: I always seem to drive on the ever-so-exciting Eastchester Drive. Eastchester has two parts: Eastchester and Westchester, which connect two cities in the state of North Carolina. So, it is fitting that you will see me driving on this road quite often. When I drive, blasting Hillsong United at the loudest volume my car can muster, I always love looking up into the sky. The horizon is a place we very often forget to look, as we are so focused on the present-the dotted and dashed yellow lines separating us from other cars. We become entranced with the present: almost obsessed with it. Often in driver’s education they call this a sort of drunkenness or hypnotism. We become so spellbound with what is familiar we forget to look ahead! Isn’t this true in our own lives? We grow tired. We grow lazy. We grow complacent. And we most certainly grow sedentary. We forget the simple act of lifting our chins upward to witness the sun rising behind the hills, the snow on top of the mountains, or even the road work ahead of us. Our own lives are the fulfillment and compilation of what we do in these small, everyday actions. We are so fed up searching for the correct curtains to block the sun, that we so often forget to look at Christ’s majesty, and His creation. We focus more on burning the toast than the thought of there the wheat even came from in the first place. We are so obsessed on the daily duties, that the screaming “collision” or “road work” just yards ahead of us goes unnoticed. Many times there will be a large turning point in the road right ahead of us..but we cannot take our eyes off the yellow lines warning us of this bend soon ahead. Why is this? Simply, because it is EASY!



When driving on Eastchester, there is another thing I always notice. The birds! And, for many of you who read my blog, you are California natives and this word picture may not be as familiar. When I say birds…I mean BIRDS…EVERYWHERE. Eastchester seems to house the largest amount of small black birds on God’s great earth. They all love to perch up on the telephone wire right above the cars. And, they all sit so close together with no space in between them, creating a beautiful silhouette against the setting sun ahead of me. I love watching these birds. Nature is God’s depiction of who we are-right in front of us. Sometimes it is hard to see ourselves in others-but when it comes to nature, it seems to be a little easier to relate. I am fascinated by what these birds do. When it becomes too comfortable for the birds, one will take its wing, and push the bird sitting right beside of it off of the wire. It is not a kind little nudge, either. A full on force is required to get these persistent buggers off of their wire and fluttering into the abyss. Isn’t God kind of like this? We all love to flock together like birds of a feather. We often forget though that the comfort of our world, or the wire, is not to be taken for granted. We will always of times of challenges where we will have to find a new home. A new source of strength. And, this is when we search for God. As the birds leave the wire, they will often soar upwards towards the skyline, past where the human eye can see them. When we are nudged off of what makes us comfortable, we are forced to find a new wire, a new platform. And, often this is not what is “cool” or what is practical. We may not be warm sitting side by side with our friends. We may be in a foreign land, we may be living off of little, we may be losing a family member, we may be going through a sickness that world cannot heal. Where do we turn when we are knocked off center? Let us begin to turn to God’s Grace. To God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. God’s riches are never ending. God’s riches are not ceasing. And God’s riches will never fail you. They may “shock” you a little bit (as I have often witnessed with the bird’s on the telephone wire), but it is for the good of your whole person. The Lord is training you to be a disciple. To be an apostle. To be a missionary of the Word for the World. Let us find ourselves relying on His grace instead of a wire of the world. It is steadier, and more consistent. We may get shocked, but we will always know where to fly back to. We may be alone here on Earth, but we will always know we have a safe platform in the Lord.

“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” Isaiah 30:18

The Call

Sometimes, there really are no words. In fact, for the first time in my life, WORDS haven't been used to persuade me...or to call me. My entire life has been revolved around words: from Speech and Debate tournaments, to listening to my dad, as he is a motivational speaker. I know words. I can speak words. And, I can understand words...right?

The Lord speaks to us in a different way. As believers in Christ we will often hear, "Preach the Gospel, and if necessary use words." Some find this comical and quite true. But, I have begun to see that talking the talk is just as crucial as walking the walk. Jesus doesn't have to talk the talk or walk the walk. Instead, he is the captivating force that leads his Children to his glory. He is the Holy Spirit-who does not need words or action. Instead, all we may have is a tug on a heartstring-yet it is so clear, there is no denying it.

We can deny words or actions and attribute them to something else. When a heart is broken and mended with a new passion, it is an action of the Holy Spirit. THIS is not reversible. And the human does not want to do anything else besides follow this command. Some choose not to as earthly existence can create immediate distraction: within seconds! Yet to truly find the dwelling glory of our God, one must pursue the broken-ness. It is more than emotion: it is affliction.

I have been broken, and I have been afflicted-in the best of ways. And you know the crazy part? Some people already do not believe me. But, if the Lord has actually called me for His will, many will not believe it, huh? Why? The Lord's callings are radical. They are sacrificial. They are NOT of this earth. Earthly callings are earthly callings. Emotions are emotions. Broken-ness, sacrifice, wisdom, and pure joy? Those are from above! When your heart breaks and your heart skips a beat at the exact same moment...GOD is PRESENT.
The Lord has called me, and He has not called me with words. The Lord has called me to the mission field. I write this blog for two reasons: to share the loving and glorious grace of God, and so that those who read it can keep me accountable in pursuing this affliction and intervening from the Lord. He has spoken to me-through one of my greatest friends that He placed in my life, through my wonderful beautiful grandma, to my own heart, and through the wind around me. I have never experienced something so powerful. The morning I woke up after being a puddle on the floor (full of indecision and rage at God's "silence", He spoke. He spoke louder than I have ever heard someone-with no words. Instead it was through a verse written out on a text message...

Isaiah 58:6

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

AMEN.

I proceeded to receive a package from my Grandma- with two articles of the need for missionaries. I received a call from my mother about my willingness to help those who do not understand my language. I received a call from Kathryn my stepmom, telling me that something in her heart knew something was going on with me. I even received a Facebook email from a woman I had never even spoken to, with a powerful message on the word "necessity". What did I really receive? I received a piece of God's perfect wisdom. I received his Word.

What will I do with this? Well, I know I will not stray from it. I am the girl who can speak perfectly in front of large crowds! Yet may not be able to use language in a place where there is a language barrier. I am the girl with the self conscious attitude towards my body! Yet this may be useful to have broad shoulders and height when serving in dangerous places. I am the girl who cannot have children! Yet this may be God's calling for me to love, mother, and redeem His beautiful children, and be a mother to them!

God is good. Great is great. God is perfect. God is mighty. God is powerful. God is wise. And, sometimes God is Silent. Yet, he is the loudest speaker I have ever known.

Smile

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Yikes. THAT is a lot to live up to. I can begin learning to love as Jesus loved. I can create peace or give patience or show kindness. I could even show goodness and be a faithful woman and be gentle and express self control. But, how do I fake Joy if I don’t feel joyful? Why is this three letter word the second fruit mentioned behind the great "love"? How do I display joy if I cannot describe it or tangibly see it? The Lord’s plan for how we should live our lives is a perfect one. It is a life that we should all aspire to have, and aspire to live. Also, it is a life we should give. While in Honduras this past week I learned that Joy is the most contagious complex we as Christians must catch. Those that do not know the Lord, will never want to follow or serve a Lord that does not bring joy into their lives and does not encourage joy being expressed.


“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” Proverbs 15:13



One of my best friends in the world responded to this idea in such a brilliant way. “Joy is the fruit of perfected love.” Beautiful, isn’t it? The only perfect love (the definition of perfect love) is Jesus. And, when His perfect love infiltrates our lives, we will see Joy. I have seen imperfect happiness. I have never seen imperfect, impure joy. When I have sinned, I can still feel happiness. Joy is revealed once sin is diminished. The two cannot and will not live together. I saw pure, raw joy in Honduras. Innocent children free of the world’s worries will captivate you with their laugh and presence. The most compelling way they do this is through their smile. I was born with what the doctors call a cleft lip. Not as severe as a cleft palate, the split will affect a child's smile. Being blessed with expert surgeons in the states, I now have the ability to smile. There are so many children in the world that cannot afford the surgery to repair their smile, or even the funds to seek doctor aid of any kind, as clefts can often affect chewing or swallowing. It has been on my heart recently to pray for these young children that they do not lose hope. Joy, real joy, comes from the internal willingness and desire to seek Jesus in all that we do. It is the gutteral emotion of gratitude that radiates from unique individuals. While some children and adults may never have the incredible and priceless opporuinty to physically "smile", the Holy Spirit still shines through their spirits. The Lord did not create a smile for no purpose. Why do you think he blessed each of us with this feature? It is the outward expression of the Spirit of God alive and well within us. As blessed Christians I pray we learn to smile more. A smile is the only universal language we have. I pray we stray from sin and grasp on to perfect love. It is waiting for us. And, from what I can see, a joyful life leads to a fruitful life glorying the kingdom.



“Then Hannah prayed and said: "My heart rejoices in the LORD; in
the LORD my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I
delight in your deliverance.” 1st Samuel 2:1





I now know you can see joy…and see it CLEARLY.

Awake

I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.
—Psalm 3:4-5




Sweet is the sleep of a laborer, whether he eats little or much, but the full stomach of the rich will not let him sleep.
—Ecclesiastes 5:12




Five years ago I had the incredible experience of serving the Lord in Mexicali, Mexico. The spring break of my Freshman year contained a girl who was lost and immature, yet carefree. I had never been on a mission trip before, and the thought was daunting to me. I would be traveling across the border with 600 other high school students from the mega church I attended to lay in tents and attempt some Spanish. Yikes. Little did I understand the goal of a mission, or even what I was going to do. The theme of the mission was “Beautifully Awake”. Throughout the week, as a church, we began to delve deep into what it meant to be an “awake” Christian. And, what it meant to not simply live a “numb” life of sleepiness, disregarding the purpose the Lord had in our lives. The sermons reinforced the idea that we as followers must notice and eliminate distractions keeping us from fully seeking the Lord’s presence and glory in our lives. I left confused. I was awake. In fact, I was so awake I just served for seven days straight with an athletic body and a clear mind. That is what I had presumed.


On the last night of the mission, they asked us all to pray as a group to be “woken” up by the Holy Spirit. I remember getting down on my knees and praying in odd, youthful language for Jesus to jerk me awake so I could be the Christian He desired me to be. And….six months later to the exact date of that prayer, I was diagnosed with cancer. I do not believe the Lord GAVE me the disease, but it was certainly a clear and blatant message that my daily routine of lipgloss, boy-searching, Abercrombie-wearing days would be inverted. Priorities shifted, goals were reversed, and I began to look upward. I believe true “awakeness” is the releasing of wordly burdens and consistently looking upward. Taking every chance to your eternal conversation with your creator- Daily prayer. And, that is what I did. My numbness and sleepiness onset by worldly temptations and distractions desinigrated as my goals changed. My long sleep was immediately terminated by a blaring alarm that had no snooze button. But frankly, I didn’t want to press snooze anyway.


When we live an awake life, our daily routine changes. Let us look at an incredible, or perfect, example of sleepy death to vibrant life. Before analyzing Jesus last days before crucifixion and after resurrection, it is imperative we remember he was never asleep, but even Jesus saw a transformation post-resurrection . In John, the author focuses on a few common themes of Jesus final actions before the cross. Jesus Prayed for himself, prayed for His disciples, and prayed for future believers. Whether we have felt the calling of the Lord pulling us from mundane to sleep to an influential life or not, we must begin our journey with prayer. We must pray that the Holy Spirit is not grieved by our actions. We must pray for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and we must pray for those who have heard of the power of Jesus Christ. Our eternal conversation will also prompt the beginning of a longing for a life of significance. Prayer refocuses and prayer re-prioritizes. The lower we become and the higher we lift the lord up in prayer, the quicker we will see God bearing fruit in our and others’ lives. Regardless of a sleepy or awake life, we MUST take time to pray. And, if asleep, we must ask the Lord to intervene. And that can be the scariest prayer one will over mutter.


After Jesus’ resurrection we see other pieces of His ministry we can adopt and apply after we have been woken up. Jesus first appeared to Mary Magdalene in the gospel of John. Why? I pray I do not interpret this piece inaccurately, but I believe it is safe to say that Jesus had his woken state moved to proclaim the glory of God to one person in particular. Who is the man or woman in your life that you can mentor, befriend, and take under your wing? Then, who is the person the Lord is directing you to, to truly pour all of your testimony and “Jesus moments” with? I know who that is in my life, and I pray the Lord continues his work with me and this blessing in my life.


Next, Jesus revealed himself to His disciples. We as followers of the Lord, must seek our brothers and sisters and share the good news. In fact living the good news is not enough; we must proclaim it! We are no longer sleeping…we are alive. And we awake each day for one sole purpose: the Great Commission.


“How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” This amazing passage from the Bible (Romans 10:15) was the anthem of my week in Mexicali freshman Year. Our goal was to be a group of servant leaders, eager to spread the Gospel and be on the Move! To use our new found awakeness in the light and glory of Jesus to truly make a tangible impact. Real impact- God impact- can only result through people that are awake in Christ. Think of inspirational Christian Mentors that have encouraged you in your walk- can’t you notice an undeniable light beaming from them?


Last year during an incredible mission in Honduras, I know I was jolted awake. It is easy as Christians to fall into “nap time” even throughout the day! When we surround ourselves with negative influences, entertain gossip, or forget to be in God’s word, we will feel the effects. For me, I become physically exhausted as well as mentally and spiritually. Each day I spend in Honduras this next week, (I leave tomorrow! ), I pray I do not grow tired. I pray that the 100 degree weather does not toll on my spiritual vibrance and awakeness. I pray that we come awake as the body of Christ. I pray that we are so awake, resurrected from our old lives, and ready to enter onto the Great Commission path Jesus Christ has paved for us.



“Come awake
From sleep, arise
You were dead
You’ve come alive
Wake up wake up
Open your eyes
Climb from your grave
Into the light
Bring us back to life”
-Come Awake
David Crowder Band


“ Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. “
-1 Corinthians 15:51
A hope for what is to come.

Water of Life

Water of Life

Yesterday I had one of the experiences that seem so rare in the negative world we live in. A prayer was answered. You see, I am beginning to see that this “catastrophic” event is not actually all that rare…but instead that we are not broken enough to recognize the grace we have been given. After watching the Oprah Show finale this past Wednesday I was inspired to begin a Gratitude Journal. This will be a compilation of answered prayers, and dreams that have been fulfilled through the grace of our Lord. It made me excited. Maybe, I can begin to grasp a greater understanding of where the Lord works in the places I often ignore. And, just maybe, the places I frequently see Him work, are the exact spots he wants me to serve!
So, I began my gratitude journal. First and foremost, I am grateful for my relationship with my King. Grateful seems too worldly of a word to encompass how I “feel” about the Lord and what He is to me, but it must suffice. Second, I am grateful for my health. After two great scares with my health and the frightening “C” word was thrown around, I am beginning to see the strength a healthy body has (pun intended). Strong bodies have the capacity to walk in the fresh air along a beach trail with my Mom each morning I see her. Strong Bodies have the capacity to clean my room, cook for myself, and type this blog; utilizing the gifts that the Lord has bestowed upon me. Strong bodies have the capacity to travel abroad and serve the world under the Great Commission. My second bullet point in my gratitude journal has a permanent spot of gratitude on my heart.
Once the two obvious points were made, I came to a..writers’ block. Not because I couldn’t think of the point to come next, as my gratitude for my family, friends, church, roommates, education, finances, and more began flowing from my brain onto scratch paper. I reflected back to that Oprah Show, and what it stood for. Although the show has had controversy for being the “idol” of the middle aged housewife, I clearly see its relevance and need in our nation. It empowers men and women to see behind the appearance, and behind any façade that those around us use to guard their insecurities and vulnerabilities. It challenges the viewer to take down their own brick walls in front of them. It reveals how to delve deep into the souls of those in our inner circle. As Oprah stated so beautifully, we all have “a single platform”. That is what we stand for, what we are grateful for, and how we want to change the world. As I began pondering my third point of gratefulness, I reflected on a common scene that Oprah encourages. Crying. Yes, Crying.
When husbands come home to their weary wives sobbing at the interviews on the daily television show, I assume they find it silly and ridiculous. When my mom recorded the final weeks’ shows of Oprah I sat down to give them a chance. And where did I find myself? Crying! Not even a controllable sniffle, but a complete sob! I never believed that a show of people I never knew could move me like this.
A woman dying of cancer took the role of filming videos for her six year old daughter of the life skills needed for a young lady. She knew she would not have the time to grow up and teach her daughter personally, so this incredibly strong woman took the opportunity to film her everyday life lessons for her own angel. Isn’t it true that when we witness undeniable strength in a fellow human being, we become the “weak” one? By weak, I mean the world’s definition of weakness: crying, frustration or depression. In my short 19 years of life, I have developed a respect and admiration for the strong people..AND what the world calls “weak” ones.
Tears are a beautiful thing. The water that flows from our eyes does not only grow us internally, but it prompts growth in the seeds that are around us. As tears hit the dry and closed souls of the people in our inner circle, these hearts are refreshed and see empathy. For the longest time I never knew how to cry. The callousness that our world encourages often keeps men and women from expressing guttural emotions it seems. The strongest people I know seem to be the heaviest criers; don’t you think? They are broken. They are real. They GET it. Oprah was right when she says that all facades of our world must be taken down to truly understand people.
After taking my Jesus and the Gospels Class this past spring, one theme stood out to me. Jesus’ time on Earth was greatly about His need to correct, guide, and teach. In John 11 verse 35, the shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept.” That is all of it, completely. Jesus, wept. The Messiah wept in the company of grievers at Lazarus’ tomb. He understood their pain. He revealed empathy!

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)

Let us practice, crying. Not the act of purposely weakening our souls. But instead, let us practice the art of empathy. Let us grieve in the company of grievers. When our fellow man grieves, so does our Father in Heaven. Let us practice what He taught us.
I am grateful for the gift of tears. They show brokenness. They show authenticity. They show dry souls where WE find our Living Water.
So, I continue on my gratitude journal. Having only written three points of gratefulness thus far, I feel like I have summarized to the best of my ability, the day to day strength I find in Jesus. His grace is ever flowing, and everlasting.

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)