A Heart for Him

I decided to take a run today. And, believe me, I had not run in a while. But today it was beautiful. My favorite weather: partly cloudy, about 65 degrees and wet pavement. Yes, I am a weird one. So, as I was running, the sun came out and I started to think. 

These four years of high school have been filled with hardships, blessings, new experiences, and reflections. Through all of these I believe I have gained what I have called a hardened-heart syndrome. It is not that I am angry, shallow, or harsh, but instead an attitude of stability and closure. And, now I want that to change. 

I am desperate for a heart of peace, respect, openness and truth. I do not know why the song "Call to Arms" made me feel this way, but it surely did. I feel that my remaining time in high school needs to be spent loving people and loving the lord. I want to begin to strip away the overpowering precedent I have placed on myself, and give it up to him. I am a leader, I am a speaker, I am a dancer, I am a ...follower?

It is missing something. In the rough times speaking in front of a group of people, commissioning an event, or dancing on the dance team will not get me anywhere. It will not let me have that open heart I am striving for. 

Instead, I want to Lead people to the Lord, Speak His words of truth, and Dance as a form of praise for him. This junior year has been a year of transition to say the least. Every emotion possible, it seems, has been placed into these seven months. Yet, I do not feel tired. I feel empowered by the love he has shown he. 

I have been able to chip away at the walls of fear,  anxiety, and confusion that cover my heart and have been for a while. The worries are still present and they will always be there. But, amazingly, they are beginning to take up a smaller amount of brain-space and I am focused on other things. I want to break down the image that I have been attempting to build up these years-there is no eternal worth to it, and seek worthy things. As I have stated before, this year has been a year when I have been able to truly define my passions, and it has made this year a little bit easier. 

So, I am asking for a challenge. I want Him to help me transform my heart as He has done with my life. As I walk onto the school campus, I will express a vulnerable heart, open to new experiences, possibilities, and friendships. At the same time, I will stay strong for the Lord. This goal will probably stretch me to a place I did not know I could go. But, hey why not try?

As the sun is beginning to break through on this Valentine's Day, let it melt any icy hard surface I have placed on my heart. Let it instead fill with Your love and guidance.